Hope

Hope springs eternal. At times however, that spring is but a trickle. I must apologize that I have not been as vigorous in my writing as I should have been. Over a month ago my external hard drive, upon which all my work transcribed to Word rested, went missing. I searched everywhere; despair and hope battling, wearing on my heart and soul.

I said to myself, “You’ve only lost about 50,000 words. Your completed works are already published. Most of your pictures of note are on the cloud via blog posts.”

So I went to Reedsy. I started putting down my latest short story on their platform. “I’ll just fight through it. Reedsy may be a better place to record and track my work. The editors are right there. It will work out better.”

Then, the other day, I slid my laptop into my soft sided briefcase designed for laptops and such. Smack. It would not drop clear into the bag. “Did I put the camera in the bag?” I pondered. I reached in and there it was. Leaning out from behind a sleeve that lines the main pocket; my external hard drive. After being lost for over a month I found it.

Found it?

Problem. I had pulled everything out of my bag five times over in my previous searches. I had run my hands into and over every pocket sleeve and surface multiple times. It was not in the bag. My wife did not put it in the bag. She had done a bit of searching herself.

The external hard drive was pin protected and the files required a password to open.

So how did it get there? Where had it been and how did it get back? Does it have retractable legs?… Have you see the latest and greatest robot on the web? I would be nicer to him if I were the guy testing Mr. Robot out.

I have meant for the longest time to edit, make an addition not a correction, to a previous post long past. It is the post where I described how a small action camera I had set up disappeared. That camera reappeared two months after that post. It also materialized in a place I had searched many times over; a tiny basket in which I kept its’ USB cord.

So I was initially inspired when I found the hard drive. My writing surged but not for long. Missing money, a dog, extremely active, that we find cowering in a corner when we come home on some nights, and other unusual events and conversations with my family have worn heavily on me over the years. What is going? Why, apparently, will does this not end by force of my goodwill, forgiveness and long suffering? Does goodness hold no weight in this world?

Now I question if I should even try to access the drive.

I told the story of my external hard drive to my brother this Saturday and his response was, “I have nothing to do with it.” and went on as if it had been merely misplaced.

I have good reason to suspect my family, the rationalizations and supposed justifications for their actions too dark to detail here.

Of course I may be, have been, under John Doe investigations for the last decade or longer. I recently have been treated strangely at our bank. My neighbors have been shunning me for the last two years. I got shocked perplexed looks from some in my social endeavors. My “No Sanction” blog has become increasingly political.

Bottom line, this stalking has taken a greater toll on my wellbeing and productivity than I had previously realized. I am having trouble sleeping and feel exhausted the moment I sit down to write. Are lawyers my only recourse? I have a good idea of where to start. Of course they would need to know where the money is; their fee.

Money; it makes all the difference. I chase industry in my life not money. Industry is a goal, an attribute, hard found when one exists in a void, without a catalyst, such as a job, to facilitate its’ development. Self driven, under duress I must regroup and set my mind back to my schedule and strive once more to produce something I believe of value not just to myself but to the larger society.

Perhaps someday the products of my heart, mind, soul and body will be of value to someone. As of now “I have no money.”

“What did you say?” (It is from a song, sorry)

Thank you for reading. God Bless.